Some Thoughts on Marriage

As of this post, my mom and dad are celebrating their thirtieth wedding anniversary out of town. After all these years, they love each other very much, and I’m so happy for them. I think that they are, in some ways, the model couple. They work together on any problem they have, and they complement each other in many ways.

In an age of no-fault divorce, that’s a big deal. Divorce has unfortunately become rather common since the 1960s. So much so that the only reason it’s gone down in recent years is because fewer people are getting married in the first place. This is only to the detriment of the children who have to live through their parents’ divorce. It can throw a child’s life into chaos and confusion. You can ask any child who went through a divorce to know that it can be devastating. Family is essential to forming an idea of oneself, so an incomplete or broken family can devastate a child. There are so many stories of children becoming depressed after their parents split. 

I believe that marriage is very important to someone’s life. It’s a special promise, a sacred vow. The idea of sacredness seems lost on many people nowadays, but I think that most people understand that breaking promises is not a good thing. After all, in the world of business, we know that a businessman who violates his contracts or tries to exploit his partners using the fine print is a despicable person. As bad as that may be, imagine doing that for marriage. When people get married, they do so “until death do them apart.” It’s not something that can be overturned because you might feel like it.

Marriage is also a rite of passage. It’s the graduation from being a bachelor or bachelorette to being the head of a new family. I’ve noticed that when people I know have children, they wind up appreciating the responsibilities of adulthood. A lot of these new parents learn how much children depend on the adults around them. After appreciating this fact, they end up realizing that they need to live for something greater than themselves. I am not a parent yet, but I know from experience that taking care of my dog Biscuit caused me to come out of my shell. Knowing that someone needed me made all the difference, even if it was a pet.

People will often tell you that marriage is hard work and involves a lot of compromise between the couple. This is true, but it is also very fulfilling. A 1998 study on marital status and happiness in seventeen nations found that, out of the people they surveyed, married people were the happiest of them all, across the board. They reported higher levels of financial satisfaction, health, and happiness, especially compared to single couples. Another study from 2015 found that “married respondents are 89% more likely to report being very satisfied than non-married respondents.” Meanwhile, “divorced individuals report being the least happy or satisfied.” The science is in: marriage seems to be good for us all.

That said, I don’t think I need to read a scientific paper to understand that marriage brings happiness. I see that every day with my parents. Again, even after thirty years, my parents enjoy each other’s company, preferring to have their leisure time together than apart. Arguments hardly ever crop up, even though they disagree with each other all the time. The two are more understanding of the other than they know. They support each other whenever the other needs help. I hope that one day, I too can have a marriage that strong.