How My Relationship with My Parents Changed

This past Mothers’ Day, I reflected on the fond memories I have with my mom. I realized that there was an important turning point in the relationship that I hardly acknowledge – the moment we became friends. I can’t pinpoint the exact time, but at some point, during the past few years, I grew up and began talking to them as though I was their equal, and our relationship is all the better for it.

I’ve always loved my parents, but for the longest time, I felt I couldn’t talk to them the way I could a normal person. After all, they were my parents. They were so much more than I was, and, more importantly, I was only a child. I didn’t have much in common with an adult, and I couldn’t follow their conversations.

Yet I saw that the relationship between my mom and my grandmother (her mom) was rather different. Those two could talk on the phone all day about anything and never grow tired. I remember growing up hearing my mom talk to her for hours at a time. Sometimes, she even lost track of time in the middle of it. They were good friends, a bit like myself and Alex. I’ll admit that I wanted to have that kind of relationship with my parents, but I didn’t know how to achieve it until much later.

Turns out, all you have to do is mature. Now that I’m older, I understand the kinds of things adults like to talk about. The topics can range from their favorite television shows, movies, and books, family matters, neighborhood gossip, and even politics. I believe that what makes adult conversations so much deeper and interesting is just the depth and breadth of experience adults have over children. Children just haven’t done much, so there’s not much to talk about. They also have a hard time understanding what is happening for the same reason. Those with a lot of interesting experiences have a lot to talk about.

For the longest time, I enjoyed hanging out with my mom at restaurants. With dad at work and Braden being unable to go to some restaurants because of his food allergies, I looked forward to mother-son time because it allowed me to try out those very restaurants. That said, when I sat down to talk with my mom, I found I had little to say other than how was school. This could fill twenty minutes or so depending on how busy school was, but like many kids these days, I would often answer that question with “fine.” It was embarrassing because I had little to add, and I couldn’t relate to my mom very well. But as an adult, I can understand some of the things she goes through on a daily business. She and I have common experiences, such as finding jobs and making acquaintances, that I didn’t have as a kid. These similarities give us a connection that I never had as a kid, and I couldn’t be happier.

With my dad, the conversations are also better than they were before. My dad would often ask me questions growing up to teach me how to have more in-depth conversations. As an adult, I now take his advice and use it whenever I want to talk to him. He has a lot of insights that have helped me in working and in social situations. I still use his advice whenever I talk to him. I try to ask questions about work because, now that I’m older, I can better relate to the kind of office politics that happens around my dad and the various people he meets. I can also relate to my dad working hard to help his family because it’s something that I aspire to do one day.

Despite being an adult, I’m still the child of my parents, but there’s something more now. A child’s relationship with his parents has another dimension to it. I hope to have many, many more conversations with my parents in the years to come.