Valentine’s Day is the day when we celebrate love for love’s sake. On this day, we show our appreciation for our fellow man through courtly love – that is, the exchange of warm words and sweet treats. Like so many American holidays, it began as a minor feast day for a Catholic saint and grew into something more. Today, it’s one of the most popular holidays of the year.
This holiday is my mom’s favorite. She’s a romantic that’s in love with love itself. She puts hearts in what she writes, and she talks about how much she loves her family, especially her husband, with such glowing enthusiasm. I am somewhat envious of her. In a way, I too enjoy how people will give themselves to each other out of love.
Recently, I had a conversation with her about Valentine’s Day and romance. I asked her about my parents’ upcoming thirtieth anniversary. I was curious – what kept them together all this time? I wanted to know because I too wish to one day find my special someone and marry them.
According to her, a married couple must find ways to have fun with each other. Being in each other’s presence should be a delight for them. Playing tennis, dancing, shopping for antiques, eating cheese, and drinking wine – all of these activities are to be done together, as a husband-wife pair. And when they do so, they grow closer to each other. Over time, one learns to love the mere presence of the other through this association. “The couple that plays together stays together,” my mom told me. This is the nature of companionship, a lost art in modern dating.
Another lost art for many couples is communication. Husbands and wives have to learn to communicate effectively to get along well with each other. Otherwise, their conflicts will tear each other apart. And this conflict is inevitable – the natural result of two people butting heads with one another.
But communication is difficult. Misreading a person’s body language or tone is a common occurrence. You must clarify what you mean and understand what your partner has said. If you leave things up to interpretation, chances are, you are going to get things wrong. This applies to all social interactions, but it is especially important in the context of romance. If you are going to have a lifelong partner, open communication is paramount.
The practices of Valentine’s Day – and courtly love in general – are meant to facilitate true romance. The knights of times past gave gifts and offered services to their ladies to show their appreciation for them. Today, we enact these noble rituals every time we do the same for our loved ones. Valentine’s Day allows us to grow closer to our loved ones in precisely this way. Perhaps that’s why my mom likes it so much.
You explain it beautiful Brent. A 360 view of what it takes to and rewards of loving someone. Your ability to put it into words is impressive. Tell your folks hello for us.
Rick & Sandra
Always look forward to your words! Beautifully articulated – your parents obviously have a special relationship and you captured it perfectly.
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